Gut Feel is always Real II

Thursday, January 12, 2012 4:38:22 PM

When my ex and I were still planning for a wedding, I asked God for a sign and that sign was if the wedding will not be pushed through by the end of September 2011 as planned, then we are not meant for each other.  We filed for marriage license May 30^th and will be expired September 29, our anniversary.  September came, the wedding that we planned didn’t push through and we even had a big fight on our anniversary to the point that we almost broke up.  I knew then that it wasn’t working as planned and it seemed that I already had the sign but I loved him and we tried to work things out but I have never been confident with the relationship anymore.  I had doubts but because I loved him, I just went on.  I tried to be positive and keep things smooth but there were misunderstandings, there were fights that I was just disregarding, there were unsettled issues like finances and lifestyle and many other things that I just didn’t mind because I was hoping things will work out fine with him and hoping that the relationship will last.  I built dreams with him and even wanted to help him with his own dreams.  I really tried. God knows I did, but I realized when it's not God's will, he will really make a way to keep you out from a bad situation.  That sign, that little voice inside, have already told me it's not going to work out but I just disregarded it until this one particular incident happened that finally caused me to say "THIS IS OVER.  I SHOULD HAVE OBEYED YOU FROM THE VERY START THAT YOU TOLD ME TO STOP IT."

The Lord (if you don't believe in God let's say, "The higher power or that little voice inside) has his way of revealing things to us.  It's just that he lets us experience things and do our own way for us to learn and when he needs to get in the way, he will make a way to get you out from that situation.  He really has his own way of working out for your own good.  Hence, I was spared of a lifetime of misery.

This is really true:  ‎"Most of us are in touch with our intuition whether we know it or not, but we're usually in the habit of doubting or contradicting it so automatically that we don't even know it has spoken."

Uncertainty and Journey

Written on June 17, 2008
By: Maricel A. Ciudad




sometimes i wish i have the power to foresee the future or wish i have a crystal ball that i can use to predict what's going to happen, life would have been so much easier.


im saying this because there are times or circumstances in life that how i wish i knew that it's gonna happen to prevent or stop it from happening when it's unpleasant to protect myself from getting into a bad situation or be hurt (nobody wants to get hurt and im no exception) or i wish i have all the answers to the questions i have in my mind and at the same time enjoy the moment more when it's good, make the most of it and be happy because it will happen.


on the other hand, when i think that i can see what will happen in the future, i can only imagine how it is when i wake up in the morning and know what's going to happen in the next hours of the day or if i would know what will happen next week or next month or even next year, life must be dull and boring and no excitement at all. well, i still love the excitement and surprises that life brings amidst its uncertainties.


this is really life in reality. you just have to take one step at a time. you just go with the flow and take circumstances as they come. it's really a journey that must be taken and along the way you will encounter both good roads and bad roads but it's a part of experience that you have to deal with and overcome with that makes you learn more, become strong and appreciate life itself.  what's important is that you keep moving and moving until you find your way to where you should be. i know each of us have our own journey or path that we want to take and arrive at but let me just call mine as HAPPINESS, PEACE AND LOVE. this is where i want to be in my life's journey.

lunch talk (on counting blessings)

I had a chance to have lunch with an officemate and these past two days we were able to talk and at the same time joke about how it is when sometimes we earn less than we usually do since we earn by how many files we make in a day and sometimes if you are unlucky, your assigned doctors may transfer to other facilities or their files are given to other transcriptionists and other circumstances so it means less files for us or even no files at all.  I also had my share of having no files or less files at some point so i know how it feels.  She is just experiencing it now since she used to have the most number of files a day among other transcriptionists and now she is earning less as compared before because her assigned doctor got an electronic medical record so he will not be needing a transcriptionist to transcribe his notes but then even if she is earning less now, the one thing that she said that made me think over is "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS."  She said she may not be earning much as she did before but she is still lucky that she has work still in which she is thankful for.


Admittedly, i feel bad when i earn less or less files come on some days.  On the other hand, when files come in bulk and i have to work for long hours, i feel tired and sort of complain that i have to work hard and go home tired and the "COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS" statement made me realized more that im blessed to have a decent job, i can buy things that i need, i can eat good food, i can watch movies, i can go to the beach, i can enjoy some good day out with friends, i have people who love me and i love and some other  things to count.  Of course, i want to have more out of life (who doensn't?) but at this point in time, i can say life is overall good and im just living within my means.  It may not be an extravagant life that most of us want but i can say that i have more blessings that i have to count than whine about.

love, speak, act

Date written:  November 2008
By: Maricel A. Ciudad

a dear friend of mine has lost two loved ones this year, her sister earlier this year and her father just last week. it's really saddening and i can't imagine being in her shoes right now. it's really heartbreaking.

i cant help but think and reflect about it. a lifetime is really not enough to do all the things that we need and want to do so we really have to make the most of it and live the best that we could day by day.

another thing is expressing to the people who are dear to us how much we value them. i admit, oftentimes im too busy to let my loved ones or the people who are dear to me know how much i value them and how much i care for them. not that i intend to take them for granted or love them less but reality is, there is such a thing as a bad day.  although in my own little ways i let them feel that i love them and that's what i do most of the time but i realized, actions are not enough. sometimes we also have to say it out loud and let them hear it. it's heartwarming to hear it every now and then if not everyday so if we have the chance to and we feel like expressing it, we should never let that moment pass or before it's too late.

comfort zone... to stay or move forward?

Written on February 13, 2009
by Maricel A. Ciudad

i have been doing a lot of thinking lately about whether to continue what i love doing, which is the transcription or move forward and do what i need to do but not love doing, which is teaching.

i can say, im in a comfort zone right now.  i have been in this field for years now and i can say i've improved, i did what i can do to somehow excel in it and i've learned to love it.  now, im in a situation where i need to decide whether to move forward to my "fall back" which is teaching. yes,  i call it a fall back because it wasn't something that i really like to take but just took it thinking that if the other field doesn't work, i still have something to do making it more of an emergency button.

sometimes when i'm in a comfort zone, i tend to stay and enjoy it much so my tendency is not consider other options that may be better than the comfort that i feel.  although, i am open to changes and want to do more things because i know i can do better, it's just that comfort is comfort and sometimes i forget that change is good especially if it's for the better.

but as i was recalling things, transcription wasn't really my first choice then.  i got into it because it's the one job that's available and i've learned to love it easily with the help of establishing friendship with colleagues and the things that i've learned from them so work wasn't work but more of fun.  also, one of its perks is that i can also work at home full time or part time.  now that im already in its comfort, things are getting tough in terms of  workload, which is becoming less and less lately so now i need to decide whether to stay or move forward but i can only hope for the best.

right now, im torn but i'm preparing myself for any change if there is.  maybe teaching isn't as bad as i think (this is figurative).  it's something that i need to do sooner or later but maybe just like transcription, i will just learn to love it and it may be fun too so i'll see.


Sheena's comment:  "Good morning class!!"..... "Good morning Ms. Icel. good morning classmates." Hahahaha can you imagine hearing this everyday gang, 5 days a week? Hahaha.

well, I think your plan B is not that bad, and it pays well also, its of course way way different from the kind of work we have now, but its as fun I bet and more noble! I think teaching highschoolies or grade schoolers rocks! Hehe. If you shall pursue this, it will be a big change for you, but definitely not a bad change. Its a refreshing change for sure. :-)

sunny days and rainy days plus a lucky day

Written on:  March 19, 2009

By:  Maricel A. Ciudad

Sunny Days And Rainy Days

I'm a sunny day person. I always love to look at sunrise because for me, it always promises a brand new day. I always love the warmth that the sun gives, I just simply love the sun but there are really times that I long for the rain especially when it's too hot. When rain comes after long sunny days, I often appreciate it because of the coolness that it brings and the sound of the rain is just therapeutic.  Rainy days especially when I'm just at home sipping a cup of coffee is one of the natural highs.  And when I hear children outside laughing and running in the rain, the child in me likes to join them and makes me wish I could still do that without our neighbors thinking what is going on with me.

As I compare the two opposite weathers, it makes me think about life and how I appreciate both life's sunny and rainy days.  I used to think that one is better than the other but I had a realization that both are good, both are necessary because it makes life balanced.  Balance of nature that is.  Some think that sunny days are better because you can do a lot of things outside but some also consider rain as pouring of blessings and now that I think more of it, the more I appreciate what both weathers bring.  For me, sunny days are days that I can do many things, enjoy outdoors and just have fun but when it rains it gives me time to slow down, relax and just be lazy.  Just like in life, there are good times and bad times.  There are times that you need to rush things and there are times that you need to slow down and take things as they come.  At this point in time, I can say that I'm at a testing moment but thinking of it and how life has treated me, I couldn't complain.  Life has treated me kind and taking things in a more positive way helps me get through and even though I can call it a slow time, there are little things that remind me of how good life is and there are a lot of things that I should be thankful for more than I can complain.  I've been through tough times before and it didn’t last long and I got through it so I know easy time will come again.  After all, life is a cycle.  Life is life and there are really challenges and things that we have no control of and some circumstances that may come that we don't like much but I always look forward to its surprises because that makes the journey exciting.  I'm still excited as to where these sunny days and rainy days in life would take me along with its twists and turns and bumps and humps but one thing is for sure, one day I will have what I would call my "rainbow bliss" 

Lucky Day

I was scheduled to submit an application to a school that I'm applying today, so I went out early only to my surprise and everyone else', there was a transport strike for public utility jeepney in our city but I just went ahead and said to myself that if I couldn't get a ride then I just walk back home (as if it won't take me forever to just walk) but well I took my chance.

When I was waiting for a ride back home, there were many people on the streets waiting for a ride too. No jeepney and taxi available so what I did was I kept repeating in my head that I could get a ride, I could get a ride and after about 10-15 minutes, a college classmate passed by and he offered me a ride, not just offered to drop me somewhere but even delivered me home. It was a special delivery. Haha!

Thinking of it, there are really unexpected things that happen when you desire it just like my "special delivery ride" today.  It made me think also that keeping positive thoughts and believing in your thoughts makes a positive response.  I'm not saying that it happens all the time but today is just a first-hand experience of it and so I call it a lucky day .

Gut Feel is always Real (random thoughts on that little voice inside us)

Date written:  July 9, 2010

Maricel A. Ciudad

This realization is based on personal experiences past and present.  I have always believed that there is that voice inside each one of us that is always right but more often than not, we disregard it especially when what we want and what we have in mind is in contrast with what our gut feel says.  I firmly believe that gut feel or the voice inside you, intuition, premonition, instinct or whatever you may call it, is real and it’s innate in each of us.  Some people are sensitive with it and pay attention to what it says.  Some are insensitive and disregard it so it is not activated.  Admittedly, sometimes I am guilty of not paying attention to what my gut feel says and oftentimes, things only make sense when the damage has already been done from not paying attention to the guidance or warnings it was supposed to serve me.  I believe it is a gift.  It’s something that each of us must exercise, listen and obey when it conveys a message because for many times in the past, I can truly say, that gut feel is 100% accurate and real.  It only depends on us if we will follow it and make the most of what it tells us.

Here are some realization and learning that I have gathered in my past experiences about it:

 I have realized that the gut is always right.  When it entails warnings, never have ifs and buts just follow what it says. Never ever ignore it.  It is always right.

-     When you wake up with a dream that feels like it conveys a reality, it is real.  Believe that it’s real because most dreams that seem real are for sure real.  It may not be the same exact thing that will happen in reality but if you feel that it brings meaning, then it must have meaning.  It will make sense when reality sets in.

-     Some people are fake and most of the time, it’s hard to determine who is real or not, so if your instinct is whispering “fake, fake, fake”, don’t argue.  It’s fake.  No more, no less.

-     Don't make excuses for other people's inconsistency.  If what they say and what they do are not in sync, then no benefit of the doubt is necessary.  But in any case you really want to give the benefit, keep eyes wide open and think about this "When in doubt, don't." 

listen with your heart not just your ears

Written on March 2, 2009
by: Maricel A. Ciudad

i had brief conversation with a friend today and he said he just had a conversation with a friend and he listened to her and was there for her and after our conversation i had another conversation with a friend. i know my description of the chain of events is a bit dangled but i know you can follow :D

anyway, everybody really needs to be heard. it may be our ups, downs, positive, negative, happiness, sadness, success, failures, just about anything that we go through in life. i myself have moments where my heart just wants to burst out of the things that i feel may it be good or bad that i want to just let it out to somebody who is willing to listen.

more often than not, i get closer and build deeper friendships with people whom i communicate often especially those that i get to have fun and have deeper conversations with at the same time. i know friendships have different levels and in my case, i have friends that i can say that i am more "intimate" with because i can let my hair down to them and vice versa. most of that "intimate" friends are those who don't just have listening ears but listening hearts as well. (i hope you don't get me wrong with the word "intimate or intimacy" here. i define it as having a close connection or deep and close relationship.)

when you listen to your ears alone, it's just not enough because for me, it's just superficial but when you listen along with your heart that's the best listening skill that a person can have. in that way, you will feel someone else' heart too and they will feel that you are sincere. whether they just want to share and need you to just plainly listen to them or they want to hear something that you have to say, listen with your ears and your heart because when you do that, the person will feel it and when it's your time to talk they will do the same.

There is a saying that goes "It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye." My version would be "It's not only with listening ears but heart as well that one can hear clearly." ;)

Sharee Dianne's comment:  hmm perfect lagi ni gang.. your best write up so far! maayo kaayo ang finale, lovet! yeah, i'm really glad we became friends gang, our friendship is one of those kinds of friendship where we dont have years to back it up pero it feels like we've been friends for a long time. things just feels much lighter knowing you have someone who you can just pour your heart out and always willing to listen with their heart, gives honest opinions that sometimes are not the ones we wish to hear but we know that the other person is just thinking for our own good. thanks sa atong talks gang and more to come oi. samot na gyud ni puhon oi, unsaon nlng :-)